There are so many different parenting tips written on the internet that it is quite difficult to figure out what is good and what is not. New trends tend to appear every single week and there is no shortage of advice about how you should be raising your child.
While we can talk about several myths that definitely have to disappear, let’s focus just on some general ones that will help everyone understand both parents and children more. These can instantly make you a better parent.
When Kids Are Not Happy, There Is Something Wrong
Society puts way too much emphasis on being happy. Because of this, when the kid is not happy, the parent tends to think that it is time to worry. This is not really the case. In fact, it is completely healthy for any child to feel both lows and highs.
We all have several emotional experiences. And some people feel more negative emotions. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. The kid actually has to be able to feel something negative and gradually deal with what is felt.
As an example, let’s say you organize a birthday party. You expect the child to be excited and happy. The problem is the child gets nervous when in crowds or maybe there was an argument with one of the classmates. The kid then feels good because of the party but will be angry as they are overstimulated and anxious due to that classmate you know nothing about.
You should only start worrying and questioning when you notice persistent unhappiness. This is a sign usually connected with depression. When the child is depressed, they might have disrupted sleep, might be hostile, and agitated. But, if they are only unhappy from time to time, look at it as being normal.
You Should Never Say No To Your Child
This is a relatively new parenting myth that appeared as a response to the past American generations who were stricter as parents. Children basically grew up faced with way too much criticism and this made them avoid saying no to their children. Many parents see this as being potentially damaging and too harsh.
In reality, it is completely healthy to set limits. This teaches skills and helps the child to feel safe. The only situation when this is not good is when the limits are emphasized with a hostile or aggressive tone. Context is what stands out as being important.
An example of a helpful limit is to suspend the smartphone privileges of the teen because too many minutes were used. However, in this case, you want to let the teen get this back. Also, you can take your toddler child out of the party because of not being calm. After getting calmer, they can get back.
Thinking Parenting Is All About Strategies
You can easily end up thinking that being a good parent is all about using specific processes and strategies. Reality is not really like that. What is much more important than the parenting style or strategy you use is your mindset.
Right now, it is easy to figure out how a child will feel in terms of security based on how the mother feels about their security during pregnancy.
What we have to understand is that the self-confident parent will raise a self-confident child. When you have a healthy relationship with your partner, it is much more likely the same will be the case with the child. Even showing how resilient you are will help in raising a great kid.
If you always expect the worse and you keep cautioning the child, you increase self-doubt and worry. Parents basically avoid the challenges and stop the child from taking risks in the future. Remember that children need to learn how to bounce back from failure and this is only really possible after failing.
As a parent, you need to discover your instincts and build your own style, based on what works with the child. Healthy parenting is basically being responsive and attuned to the needs of your child. You can only do this when you are engaged and present. Acting right in the moment and being open to different ways to handle different situations helps so much more than you might think.
Keep in mind that strategies, prescriptions, and ideas, are general. They are not tailored. And you want what you do to be perfectly tailored to the child you grow. This means taking into account emotions, words, and behavior.
Good Parents Always Put The Needs Of Their Kids First
Modern society tends to promote child-obsessed strategies. As a result, parents often end up ignoring personal needs. But, you cannot really do so when you completely neglect yourself. You need to remain healthy and children have to understand you are the parent at the same time.
What is important to understand here is that you need to learn how to take care of yourself too as a parent. You cannot simply blindly put the needs of the child first for everything that you do. This would only need to you losing it eventually and you might end up doing a whole lot more harm than good.
Your Marriage Can Take A Backseat To Raising A Child
The last thing that should be mentioned is that raising the child does not mean dismissing everyone else around you. Parenting is definitely consuming so it is so easy to start neglecting your marriage. This is why there are so many reports about partners being driven apart during the first years of parenting.
As an example, it is common to see the couple only communicating when conflicts appear and engage in solitary activities. Time is not spent alone without the presence of the child. Basically, the marriage turns into a one-dimensional experience focused on parenting. Intimacy and friendship end up disappearing.
Do not forget that children will learn how to have a relationship by first looking at us. This is why children need to see that connection with the partners. Instead of only focusing on the child, the parent has to also focus on the parent, whenever the parent is present. Doing things together alone can help both the marriage and the development of the child.